Thursday, April 12, 2012

You have no idea how it feels to be me.


Whatever the reason may have been for you to do whatever you did had just made me utterly disappointed with you. No matter whatever the reason was, you shouldn't have done it. You have no idea how disappointed and upset I am with you. And, no I'm not intending to tell you what's wrong or who's wrong. Go on guessing but I'd not say anything more.

It's been months. Months you know? M-O-N-T-H-S. Last time, we didn't had the luxury. So be it. We make do with what we have. But now? What's your excuse? Busy? Work? No time? Tell me what is busy. Tell me what is no time. Tell me about it. Work? Do I look like a couch potato to you? Time? Do I look like I produce 25 hours a day? Busy? Do I look like I've nothing better to do? Oh well, I've more. School. Do you have it? No. Yes, you can defend yourself and say that you have a very complicating career and now you're at your 'career' state. I completely understand. I really understand. But when was the last time I nicely reminded you? When? Months ago. And what happened months later? NOTHING. Yes, nothing happened. No, wrong. Something happened, but it didn't happen the way I wanted it to be. Look. You're old enough to manage what's right and what's wrong. What you should do and what you shouldn't do. What is your responsibility and what isn't your responsibility. Do I still have to tell you what is your responsibility? Please, I need you to grow up and grow out of your thinking. Don't be so selfish and forget who gave you whatever you have and had. I'm not typing it all here to attack you. I just hope that if you ever see this, you would self reflect and ask yourself why did I do such a thing. If you think I'm childish and immature to post this. So be it. If this is the only way I can reach out to you, I'd stay this childish and this immature because the 'matured' way of talking to you doesn't reach you at all. I've tried, I really did.

What's so great about that person? What's so damn great? Not giving any status, not helping, not being caring to us and furthermore, that person never thought for us. If that person did, then I believe that person's action and words would have been different. It feels like the other way round you know? Like Chinese has this saying that girls married out are like water being spilled out, cannot take back. It really feels like the other way round that the girl is taking in the water and the boy is spilling it out.

It's been a year since. I've spoken up. I've given up certain things and made certain sacrifices. It may not occur to you that it's sacrifices because we have different mindset. But one thing that we should never conflict about is our very important person. You forgot about our VIP. You completely VIP. Even though you say this, say that for VIP but it never came true. None came true, at the very least till now.

I could take anything and every reason you gave. But that? Was the final straw for me. How could you? You probably think it's nothing. It's harmless. VIP is busy.


Understand? I'm so pissed off at you I feel like yanking that person's head off. And you, that person. I hope you see this too. You're way 'matured' than I am. Please, stop all this bullshit. It's not like a carrot and rabbit game. Put the carrot infront of the rabbit and it'd keep hopping and stupidly follow it hoping to eat it not knowing that the rabbit will eventually hit the wall again and again. The rabbit may be stupid but I hope that person isn't that cruel.

I really hope something strikes you one day and you realize what you've done.

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